She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
