Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
