He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He passed out mid-signature
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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