I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
