I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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