I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
So. Much. Porn.
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