Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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