Small penises have feelings too.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
