question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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