I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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