Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
