I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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