the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Even the bartender felt bad for me
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We were destined to go to rehab together
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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