"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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