Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
