no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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