So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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