my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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