Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
