i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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