Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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