This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Pants are for mortals
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
