i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
