just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
