just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
