are you so shy because you have an std?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
