Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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