Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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