I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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