hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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