I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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