You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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