I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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