i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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