oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Randomize
