I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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