I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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