wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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