Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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