Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
