we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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