I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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