You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
