i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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