I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
