Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
