My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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