It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
