I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
