Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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