a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I need moral support for this bender
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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