Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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