So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
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