I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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