I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
