Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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