Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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