I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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