Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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