I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Don't make out with my wife yet
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
