you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
