I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
