I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
