ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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