i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
