just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
