At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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