can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
