or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize