You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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